I Want to do everything. I want to die.

I want everything. I want to die. I want to be minimalist. I want clean corners and neat drawers. I want to be a maximalist with tchotchkes I’ve gathered from my travels. I want to declutter. I want the retro J Crew sweater. And the Miista ankle boots. I want to live in a small town with a quirky bookstore and a small cafe that says “hey Emily, the usual?”. I want to spend my days reading and writing in a little log cabin with bad wifi and even worse cell reception. I want five lapdogs that cover the area of my Ralph Lauren style couch. I want to run more. No, I want to walk more. I think it’s better for your knees. I want to dance again. I want to take an adult ballet class. I want to live in London–no, Tuscany– no Copenhagen. Maybe be a nomad but I love my dog. I want a European wife. I want kids that have indefinable accents. I want to travel the world. I want to stay in my room for three weeks on end eating tuna fish sandwiches and drinking herbal tea and finally reading the Penguin Classics. I want to live a child-free life. I want one child. I think it’s unethical for me to have kids. I want to be well-regarded. I want to be well-read. I want to be the “cool gay aunt”. I want to be the mother my mother was not. I want to be the mother my mother was, too.

I want to work a fun retail job at Anthropologie or Madewell or a little boutique where no one can afford a T shirt but everyone pretends to. I want to wear cute little outfits and flounce around. I want a capsule wardrobe. But I want to go to all the thrift stores. I want to be able to say no to a leather jacket in my size. I want an apartment with brick walls. I want an apartment with historic touches. I want to live in Park Slope, no– Greenpoint. I want to know what people are standing in line for. I want to know the places I should go. I want to be the first to know. I want to be a trendsetter. I want to copy her outfit, her Pinterest, her ambition. I want to be okay with a small town life. I want to be okay with smaller goals. I want to make something of myself. I don’t know who I am. But I know who I am when I’m with my sister. I want her to brag about me. I want to be mysterious. I want to know when to shut up.

I want to live on the coast in California. Waiting for The Big One and riding horses. I want to know how to ride a horse. I want to know how to garden. I want a big garden. I want to grow my own food and become self-sustainable. I want to be less lazy. I want to remember to water my plants. I want to be a better global citizen. I want to give all my money to charities. I want to be more of an activist. I want to sleep. I want to recycle more. I want to rid myself of the desire to order from Amazon. But I want this new floss that many people on the internet like. I want to be paid to like something. I want to be an influencer. I want to wipe my whole online existence.

I want you to know me better. I want you to like me more. I want to be okay that you don’t. I want to want to be friends. I want to think of the future. I want to stop dwelling in the present like my feet are stuck in honey. I want to not want because what I want I don’t know. I don’t know what I want but I don’t want to die.

Don’t worry about sounding professional. Sound like you. There are over 1.5 billion websites out there, but your story is what’s going to separate this one from the rest. If you read the words back and don’t hear your own voice in your head, that’s a good sign you still have more work to do.

Be clear, be confident and don’t overthink it. The beauty of your story is that it’s going to continue to evolve and your site can evolve with it. Your goal should be to make it feel right for right now. Later will take care of itself. It always does.